The Mouth And Marriage…Three Fire Starters

I miss those bitter sweet days when we would start fires with wood from the bush to roast breadfruit.  That smell never left me.  The catch was to keep the fire going once the fire started by adding wood.  I hated getting up early to look for the wood but I loved the finish product of a nice tasting roast breadfruit with ackee and saltfish.  The smell of the roast breadfruit on the wood fire would cause everybody who was asleep to wake up.  I would either blow the wood with my mouth once it got lit or fan it with cardboard to keep the fire going.

The mouth has such power.  The tongue has even greater power as it is the determining factor that spills words out of the mouth, whether good or bad.  The tongue is so small yet so large in its use.  The tongue is either a benefit to anyone listening or a curse to anyone hearing.  This small member of the body can either start a fire or put out a fire.  Husbands and wives sadly struggle at great length with the use of the tongue.  Only if we can control the “when to open our mouths” would we have less trouble in our marriage relationships.  Husbands and wives would prevent fires from starting that get out of control and eventually burn it all down in the marriage relationship.  Michelle and I have experienced this truth and so have many other couples.  Here are three major disasters threatening marriages as they start fires that are hard to put out once started.  Avoid them at all cost to have a less contentious marriage relationship and get some peace of mind to relate to each other much better.

The Tone is Deaf

A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger“, Proverbs 15 verse 1.  Wrath will come to your relationship.  You are two different people with two different personalities, ideas, thoughts and opinions.  You are on a mission to becoming one flesh with.  These differences cause conflict but does not have to cause anger.  It’s okay to differ but disasterous to respond with an angry tone that only add fire to an already started blaze of conflict.  Your spouse soon tunes out of the conversation to avoid listening to firey darted words and nobody wins, both are at a loss in the relationship.  The idea is to switch the blaze to build a fire that warms the conversation with a soft tone while speaking in love.  This will keep your spouse engaged and attentive to your concerns.  You both win.

The Word is Out of Season

I have learned from studying my wife that there really is a time for everything.  Although I still have not gotten it right all the time, I am much better at controlling the “when.”  When to approach Michelle about a topic of importance that may trigger an offense.  Every husband and wife is affected by the other’s faults but not every moment is the right moment to approach the other to speak about it.  A stressed out spouse will never fully listen to your concern although hearing it.  Listening is without distraction and hearing is accompanied by distractions.  Stress, among others,  is a major distraction to a great conversation where both husband and wife may be able to listen and respond kindly.  Choose the right time to get the right response that leads to positive results you are looking for.

A Mouth Wide Shut

Many spouses choose the shutting down method thinking it will prevent conflict.  It is a twisted deception that has to be avoided.  Not responding or not speaking at all can only be masked as preventing an argument but only for a short time.  Your spouse will soon realize he is being ignored.  Fight the urge to spitefully shutdown and use the mouth to cool down an already upset spouse with warm words of affirmation.  Love always win an argument.  Shutting down and not speaking at all will always put poison in an already troubled marriage conflict.  The heart may be experiencing hurt but when that hurt is allowed to spill out with harsh, unkind, frustrated tones, the marriage relationship experiences a firey blaze that never goes out and eventually burns it all down in the marriage relationship.

Every marriage can be better.  Every husband and wife has an opportunity to speak kindly.  It is a choice, maybe a hard choice but make every effort to choose right.  The bumps of wrong choice of words or tones may get in the way at times but God created two great keys to overcoming these bumps that allows every husband and wife to restart the marriage engine and continue on the great journey of becoming one flesh.  Michelle and I pray for every marriage and have experienced many trials ourselves.  We have allowed God guide us by his Word, the Bible or our marriage relationship would have possibly been burned to the ground.  You can do it.  Huddle up and enjoy your great journey together. 


About The Author

Carim Hyatt

Carim Hyatt was born and raised partially in Jamaica, West Indies.  He is one of seven children from the Hyatt family and has grown into a great man of God.  Carim had the luxury of seeing his grandparents model a Christian family life while portraying a marriage in God’s image.  Carim had his mother in his life also and learned a great deal about values and wisdom.

Carim’s passion is marriage and family. He and his wife Michelle, are hosts of MARRIAGE IN A MINUTE, a radio talk show reaching all over the world.   He has authored two books, The importance of Salvation and Staying Married Becoming One Flesh.   His journey has taken him from Insurance adjuster to minister through writing and public speaking.  Carim leads men’s ministries, married couples lifegroups, praise and worship along with many other areas of ministry as God has led him.  Carim and his beautiful wife Michelle have appeared on Television programs , namely TBN, speaking about marriage and family.  He is a great motivator, mentor and loves the Lord with all his heart.  His passion is to see every marriage go the long haul while being molded into God’s image

Join Carim on this great journey as He reaches the unsaved for Christ while continuing to encourage marriages and families.

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