Pres Trump has just extended his corollary to his Donroe Doctrine that focuses on toponymy – which in case you didn’t know – has to do with the naming of geographical entities like countries and rivers and such like!! First came the Gulf of Mexico, which became the “Gulf of America” and a couple of days ago – in the midst of his spat with Canada’s Carney on trade issues – he announced that henceforth, Lake Ontario, is gonna be called “Lake America”!!
And in case folks couldn’t understand the logic of the US President’s insistence on making things simple – without all the fancy theory and big words of the woke crowd – he helpfully explained the next step: “If you think about it, we have a gulf and we have a lake. Now, all we need is an ocean.” Logical, innit??
Think of how many problems would be solved if eventually everything on Earth is called “America”!! The Atlantic Ocean? – America Ocean; the Indian Ocean? – maybe that one might require some diplomatic consultation — but ultimately, it’ll be “America Ocean” since Modi goes along with Pres Trump directives to India everytime!!! As a sop to European sensibilities, the Mediterranean might be renamed the Mediterranean America – just to remind them they’re surrounded by things that used to have other names!!
Geography lessons would become wonderfully simple. “Where’s Canada?” – “America”!! “Mexico?” – “America, of course!!” And so on!! Unfortunately travel agents might face a minor administrative problem when passengers arriving at an airport ask: “Which America am I flying to?” and the answer would be “All of them!!” Your Eyewitness can just imagine the formerly soothing Airline announcements that could become particularly challenging – “Passengers travelling to America on Flight 457 to America, please proceed to Gate America. The flight will depart for America at 8:15 and arrive in America at 11:40 local America time”!!
But the toponymical innovation might just solve the vexed issue of illegal immigration that has so upset the Yanks!! Immigration officers seeking to deny entry and the ICE goon squads trying to cleanse America would have to abandon geography altogether!! When anyone is asked “Country of origin?” they’ll be answering truthfully, “America!!”- because that’s what everywhere is now named!!
But after our Carolyn Birkett-Rodrigues becomes the Secretary General of the UN, she’s gonna have a heck of a time trying to count up votes on the pressing issues she worked so hard to get on the agenda – when every country the world answer to “America” – and vote both yes and no!!
And then when the final frontier’s conquered after Musk’s manned spacecraft reaches our fourth planet – imagine the Martians protesting that their planet ain’t America!!

…new with Sanction Man?
For your Eyewitness, one good thing about Sanction Man becoming our LOO is he can always be counted to provide grist for his (Eyewitness) mill on slow news days like today!! Never mind the grist might’ve been ground so fine you’d think it’s powder that should be blowin’ in the wind by now!! So, while we haven’t finished untangling his lies about his “go fast” boat, another of iron he had in the fire – this time in our Court of Appeal – popped up!!
His battery of lawyers had appealed the High Court’s decision rejecting his claim that our extradition treaty’s enabling law – the Fugitive Offenders Act- was unconstitutional and “tried a t’ing” to stave off that orange jump suit in Miami!! But unlike the CCJ – where he’d filed another appeal – the Appellate Court hasn’t stayed Magistrate Judy from proceeding on his extradition next week!!
Interestingly, however, they didn’t rule on the substantive claim of “unconstitutionality” – but reserved judgement for Oct!!
More grist for your Eyewitness!!

…open or closed?
It’s now been exactly six months since Iran first closed the Strait of Hormuz and the Yanks said NO!! But when folks gotta declare every day that it’s open, you know that it’s still NOT open!!

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